We went mainly to cut wood to replace what we burnt over the winter and to catch up on some much needed sleep. Poor Natalie, although she has been having less nightmares, she had both nightmares and night terrors while we were there. Her bad dreams now seem to be coming soon after she goes to sleep-which for me is much better. Many times I am not in bed or asleep yet when she wakes, and after I get her back to sleep she has been sleeping thru the remainder of the night, which has been a great help for me-no more interrupted sleeps-it's a good thing I am already a night owl!
Someone recently said to me (about Natalie's nightmares) that "bad things happen to everyone, you just have to learn to deal with it." The comment caught me a little off guard---so I simply stopped talking about Natalie. She was not wrong in what she said-yes, life can be difficult and as human beings we DO learn to adapt-even babies. But, how many of us were abandoned by our mom and dad at 6 months (old enough to carry those memories)...how many of us were born with a life threatening illness AND had open heart surgery less than a year after our abandonment...how many of us were, again, abandoned by the people we were beginning to trust during that surgery/recovery...how many of us lived in an institution where we were left alone in our bed more often than we had human touch and warmth...and THEN how many of us were abandoned, yet again, and left in the arms of complete strangers who didn't even speak the same language-forced onto an airplane only to be taken to a place which was like NONE other we had ever seen...how many of us have nightmares and night terror nearly every night? YES, as human beings we have the amazing ability to reason and think thru our circumstances and choose to adapt...WHEN WE ARE ADULTS! But Natalie, and most of the abandoned children in China did NOT choose their circumstances...were unable to understand, reason and, in most cases, to survive. How many children are alive, but their spirit is dead? Because THAT is what dies when we do not have the nurture, love, and trust of those responsible for our care during the first 2 years of life! In many ways Natalie was blessed to have been with people who loved her for the first 6 months of her existence in this world. And I believe that she WAS loved and cherished, because she has a beautiful, caring spirit. I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE that her biological parents loved her, wanted her, and still mourn her. I know that my daughter will be a strong, sensitive, and loving person with a happy and healthy spirit. BUT, THAT TRAUMA will also define who she is and will become, and it is my job as a parent to continuously help her thru those moments of anguish, despair, anger and confusion (and nightmares). I WILL NOT brush her feelings aside and just assume she will learn how to deal with them. It is our job to do whatever we can to help her. “The way we understand both our present and our future depends on what we have lived through.” (from Xinran's book)
I want to believe the comment that was made to me was because that person was uncomfortable discussing the facts of Natalie's situation...that she was uncomfortable with anything outside of her beautiful and protected life. I certainly don't want to stress anyone more than they already are-because every one's lives are stressful enough but I also believe that you truly cannot understand anyone elses circumstances until you have walked in their shoes. I also do not believe that we should turn a blind eye or stick our head in the mud to others plights. As a society we are much too selfish and self-centered, and it is much easier to ignore than to be educated. If anyone is interested, there are three books which are accurate accounts of the life of orphans in China and the stories of the mothers who give up their flesh and blood. Here are the titles:
1. " A Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother; Stories of Love and Loss" by Xinran
2. "Silent Tears; A Journey of Hope in a Chinese Orphanage" by Kay Bratt
3. "Chasing China; A Daughter's Quest for Truth" by Kay Bratt
I hope everyone considers reading them, especially if you are having a hard time understanding WHY anyone would go around the world to adopt a child of different culture and race. (And believe me when I say there are MANY, MANY people who do not understand-Brad and I see it in their faces and attitude everywhere we go.) If anyone wonders why just look at this before and after picture:
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| First time Natalie met us-January 10, 2011 |
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| Home 1 year 2 months-March 24, 2012 |
